Thank you Mom for all you taught me
The good, the bad and the hard stuff
This day after Mother’s Day I’m honoring my Mom, missing her and ever grateful for all she taught me. Some of the lessons were good: like my love for cooking, my green thumb, the joy I get from entertaining, and yes, her SASSINESS. She tried her best to instill in me a sense of fashion, but I believe the universe may have skipped a generation and shot that gift straight to my daughter. When I’ve thought of how Mom attempted to nourish her self care, I admit I’ve been judgemental and didn’t understand how she would drive 70 miles one way to get her hair and nails done on a weekly basis. Just last week, it hit me that perhaps that solitude in the car ,(when she didn’t have kids going to the Dr. or orthodontist appointments) was her form of self care. We lived in a small rural town in ND and had nothing available any closer, and she made more trips to Minot than anyone I knew. She’d treat herself to lunch out, and stop at the movie theater for a big bag of buttered popcorn for the drive home. God knows, there wasn’t much solitude at home with 5 kids, plus most of the neighborhood joining us. Self care looks differently to me now, but this week it will include a haircut and color in memory of my Mom.
As my 30 yr old daughter has become an adult and spread her wings, sometimes it feels she’s flying further away, even though she’s moved back to the area and actually lived with us recently for over a year. We seem SO different from one another, not unlike my Mom and I, before I became a Mom myself. That truly is the glue that brought us close again. I now have such an appreciation for the worry I caused my MOM. Perhaps I shouldn’t say caused, as I know we choose to own that emotion of worry. I recognize it, because it’s been my addiction, worrying about others.
Just recently, I became extremely worried, after my daughter didn’t answer texts for 24 hours. The relationship has been a bit strained since, but maybe only in my heart. A good friend just validated that mother worry a couple nights ago, a friend I hadn’t seen in 10 years, a friend who’s also a mom to a 30-something. I can’t express how good that felt, to know in fact I hadn’t over-reacted. I’d just acted in love. And I know my Mom acted in love also, when I decided to divorce my first husband, when I bought my house, when I cashed in a life insurance policy to care for my ill sister, and numerous other decisions I’ve made that seemed impulsive and unwise to my Mom(even more so to my Dad).
I wish I could have more conversations with my MOM now. I’d even welcome a little sparing, an argument and that look of “being perturbed” with me she wore so well. She’s been gone for over a year and a half, but her adversarial spirit disappeared sooner due to the ravages of Alzheimers. I miss her. Because of Mom I welcome my daughter’s and my differences, what she can teach me about myself and the way she sees the world, differently than me. That can be the hard part, but it’s in the difficulty that I find understanding toward her, and mostly myself. I encourage you to cherish and nourish those difficult relationships, those that push us toward growth . . . those that bring out our SASSI. Be well, be wise, be love.
Keep it Simple, take small Actions each day, Surrender to the feelings you’re having, dig deep to your true Spirit, and above all else, stay Inspired!